You can also purchase a DVD of the
Of sorts. A five-minute montage from the show. You can download it in these formats:
Pferdzwackür's Vampire Nutcracker performed itself 8 times at Baltimore Theatre Project,
from December 11 through 21, 2003. A total of 349 people saw the show, paying an average
of $10.73 per ticket. These audience members bought $715.00 worth of Pferdzwackür
tchotchke doobers, meaning that the average trinket-spend was just over $2.00 per person.
This figure does not include wine, beer, or soda sales, nor the t-shirt bumpersticker parapernalia
available from Theatre Project.
About The Show
Lucinda believes in Vampires. About Lucinda, everyone has got ideas and agendas.
Here is Delilah's take on the situation.
Lucinda has a twin brother, Clod, and he believes that his sister is very very
sick. He undertakes a
mission to save his sister. But Mr. Ooolong, who runs the show, has his own
prescription. Of course,
the presciption for everything, in general, is to Drink Pferdzwackür's
But not everyone will listen to reason. It all gets complicated by Lucinda's self-image
Lucinda notwithstanding, the show is really about vampires, retail transactions,
and victimization. Honest. We consumerism you.
We assume that Vampires don't do caskets, ancient tombs or bats anymore.
Nowadays, they live mostly in plastic toys. Anything shiny, shrink-wrapped
or advertised on television is suspect. The vampires we hunt are media
hypnotists. The vampires we hunt are soaked in kerosene, bright burning,
sexy, sizzling. By releasing swarms of moths, we track the vampires
back to their lairs. The only way to be safe is to buy our products,
and not ask too many questions.
About Retail Transactions
Americans are smart when they are shopping, and stupid when they are watching
entertainment. Yep. We can go
on and on about this. The
Vampire Nutcracker is a show where something is stalking us, and the
thing to do is to stop the show, and put attractive merchandise on sale for the audience to
peruse. This smartens everybody up, and keeps away the bad spirits. Christmas
is the season of good cheer. The Spirit of Christmas suffuses us.
All that capital changing hands is good for the soul.
Certain interests profit from new blood, no matter what. This is not
the prerogative of the talent, the dupe, or the customer, who might choose to declare,
"Today, my blood shall not flow." Not the case.
Old money is a force or nature.
Anybody who is happier than you are is probably opressing you.
This is most obvious when somebody is richer, better educated, prettier, has better sex,
knows funnier and more lively friends, and drives a nicer car than you do. But it
is equally true of a poor uneducated loser with no prospects, lots of debt, no leisure
time, plenty of painful diseases, and no friends, but who is, nonetheless, happier
than you are. You are a victim, and Santa Claus cannot save you. But we can.
Buy our Product.
The Vampire Nutcracker is a search through the lands of Bad Faith, Good Credit, Hoodwink Flim-Flam,
the Mutual Confidence Racket, Karma Liquidators, Blue Market Goods, and the
Land of Na. These are the places that Santa will not stop. We want you to
know where you can hide, in case he comes looking for you.
Press Release PDF
We invite you to be
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